Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
