I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize