Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
