I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
