I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i believe in u and ur pee
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
