know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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