How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
