I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
