u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
