I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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