is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
