All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
