Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
