Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
