How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
