she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
