Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
