you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
