Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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