I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize