There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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