My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
