the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
