and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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