Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
