Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
