I'm jealous of your bromance
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
