Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
