Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This baby is an asshole
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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