Umm I'm too high to move.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
