Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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