dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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