Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
