I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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