are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
