Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
