We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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