I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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