I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
