The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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