You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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