Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
