Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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