But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
