Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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