u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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