You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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