After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
