I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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