You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would ride that face into the sunset
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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