i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
