Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
