oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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