I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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