Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I need water and some morals
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
