Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
