I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
false alarm. still invincible.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I believe in your delicious
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize