Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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