if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize