i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
