Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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