At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
