I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
