your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
