we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
