I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
