forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
