sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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