id be glad to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
