My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
