you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
