At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
