In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
