I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
