mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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