Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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